you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
