I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
