Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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