When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
