Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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