just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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