i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he fucked my hip out of place.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
