I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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