he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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