____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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