there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.