there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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