I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's shark week go big or go home
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
