I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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