I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
