If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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