Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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