Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
