There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
