Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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