haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
