I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
