Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
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