we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
