Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
