One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
