Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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