I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
