I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
