Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
