I wish life had little blips of pornography
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
