I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
