i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
