allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
