so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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