i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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