So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
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She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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