Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
