cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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