# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
