Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I didn't notice because vodka
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
