First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize