wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
wow bdsm is so cute
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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