We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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