I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
