I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
