brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
