It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
