i was born a porn star she said
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
