my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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