Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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