Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
