with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
