I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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