I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
