sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
