tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
