if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
NoShamevember. You game?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
