After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
