Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
