so explain again why im purple
no
i love accidental penises.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
