It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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