Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
