Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
