the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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