I want to make a zoo with you.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
