he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
