if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
