This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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