I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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