Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
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We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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