i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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