Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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