she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
