So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
